Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Max And Micah 18 days old

It's already been 18 days since my lil boys arrived from their womb-ly world to ours. Unbelievable considering it feels like I waited YEARS to grow and meet them. They are absolutely perfect and I can not stop thinking how beautiful they are and can't stop staring at them every second. Babies are such a blessing and to think back that those lil guys were in my tummy 17 days ago is insane. I wonder how the hell they both fit in there! I still don't understand!
  Micah was the first to come home, he was in the NICU for a week exactly and he decided he wanted to come home. So, he bottle fed every feeding and they sent him on his way. For a week I got to snuggle him and learn his personality.  An entire week that he came with me everyday to visit his brother. Let me say out of all my babies, Micah is definitely easy. He never fusses when he poops or when he's hungry and he seems to always be content. This is amusing to me because I have to be the one to wake him for feedings or diaper changes. He was the total opposite in my tummy. he wiggled everywhere and was always so active. I learned him very well and when he was reunited with his brother, it was like the world all came together and he was whole again. The most precious sight I have ever seen...

This was literally within minutes of bringing Max home October 22nd.   The moment I took him and Micah out of their car seats I put them side by side to they could feel each others presence again. That was the reaction. They molded together so quickly and feel asleep holding each other. It melted me in ways I cannot even explain. It's got to be tough having someone grow with you every second in the womb and then having that being taken from you for 2 weeks. They shared everything in my belly and occupied the space together...they were one. Now, they are one again! 
   Max, like I said, came home October 22nd. That was the one of the best minutes of my life. Not having to see my lil guy hooked up to wires/tubes anymore and to actually have him home with us. The moment I had been waiting for since I was pregnant to begin with. Having had Micah home for a week, I already figured him out. Now, it was Max's turn. Boy, he is a character. For him being the reserved one that didn't move much in my belly, he is mellow like his brother but with the exception that he WILL let you know when he is hungry or he has pooped. When he does, it usually wakes his brother and then I have double duty. It's cute. He's just as beautiful as Micah and I love them from here to infinity. Just like the girls. All of them are my world.
   Both boys are pretty much up to their birth weight give or take a few ounces. They are both still on oxygen although it is the lowest grade. Max has blond hair it looks like for now and Micah is dark haired like his mommy :DThe girls love their brothers and are very sweet and nurturing...
    Here are some more pictures :D

       Max is on the right, Micah is on the left <3

The girls with Micah, before Max came home <3

     The boys holding hands!

Micah Sleeping soundly 

   Max wide awake and curious!

 So far, life with twins is great. There's not one bad thing I can say about it, i love it all and I feel entirely blessed that this gift (or shall I say gifts) was given to me. I love every minute, even when I get no sleep and I'm looking like a zombie. To think I was scared is weird because for some reason it all makes sense, my mommy instincts kicked in once again and I enjoy every minute with my boys and of course, my girls. Life is beautiful! <3

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Beautiful Gifts

 In case you find yourself wondering what the title means, it's the arrival story of my beautiful boys. I wanted to jot down everything I can remember for something not only to share but something I can look back on a remember as vividly as I can. 
   My last doctors appointment was thursday, October 7th. I didn't talk to my doctor directly, I was scheduled for a full ultrasound scan to evaluate the weight/anatomy & positioning of the boys. This was followed by my weekly non stress test. Now, for a non stress test, this is just them finding the heartbeats of the little ones and placing a heart rate monitor as well as a contraction monitor over my stomach. It measures and counts the movements of them in the womb as well as measures how well they react to my contractions. Fairly simple. It usually last about an hour. This week I noticed it was a bit longer because I had a few big contractions. The boys reacted fine however. The nurse said i was ok to go and also said she would see me next week...if those big contractions didn't take over first :D This gave me the indication that the boys were probably coming soon. How soon, I was NOT expecting...
   Friday was a typical day with a few exceptions. A few days before I was nauseas and feeling not myself. I felt normal thursday but woke up friday in the same kind of funk. No nausea however, but I did feel yucky. Food didn't sound good to me but I made it a point to eat anyways. I found myself wanting to nest and clean the floors but I was also extremely tired. More than usual. Every so often I noticed myself getting an occasional side cramp kind of feeling on my left side that would hang there for a few minutes then disappear. Not the typical contraction I was ever used to so I ignored it. It only happened 3 times if that all day and not really close together. No biggie. I had a hard time remembering a true sign of labor anyways since my water never broke by itself and I haven't gone into labor since...well kayleigh back in 2005. Abigail was different since I was induced so it was hard knowing signs of what to look out for besides the obvious.
   My husband has a job that has a lunch break everyday from 230-4:30pm then he heads back to work until about 930-945. Unpleasant shifts but someone has to work. He was heading out to work about 4:10 and I was planning on taking the girls to blockbuster to grab a few rentals to enjoy on a friday night. Especially since on fridays, he works until 1030 so we needed something fun to make time pass. He left, I got everything ready to go, we headed out the door when suddenly i was hit with the worst strong,sharp pain in my left side next to my belly. It scared me because I couldn't walk, breathe,talk,lay down without it going away. I thought it felt like an intense version of a walking cramp + sciatica mixed in one. I also thought it would go away so, I ran by the bank drive through before it closed thinking it would be gone in a sec and the boys just shifted wrong. I got to the drive through and the pain intensified. Something wasn't right. You can automatically tell when something isn't right either when it's your own body...the thing that sucked the most is by the time I received that feeling, I was stuck in the line with someone behind me and someone in front of me. I had to wait 15 minutes to get out of there and head home. Driving was intense so I brought myself right home and kept telling my husband to come get us.
   He had a hell of a time trying to get off work so I called family and tried to see what the possibilities were of someone grabbing the girls and i and dropping us off at the hospital. Meanwhile doing this I was lying down on my couch HOPING the pain would go away if i swifter weight. I had to be brave in front of kayleigh because she was worried about me and any sign of me in any pain, she would flip. I couldn't have that because then it's just 3 females freaking out. I couldn't do that to them. I managed to get jared to get his butt home and come get us. About halfway to the hospital my pain shifted and radiated from my side to my uterus...shit, I was having contractions and they were about 6-8 minutes apart. Well, this just might be it.
   We go in, they monitor me like a non stress test for about an hour and see that they were indeed contractions. My parents came and got the girls,took them home with them overnight and the nurse was off calling my doctor. He wasn't a fan of me delivering just yet since I was only 34 weeks and 3 days. He wanted me to hold off for two weeks at most so they gave me a muscle relaxer called pericardia (spelling?) so relax my uterus and stop contractions. They also decided to give me a steroid shot in my thigh (worst shot ever, it burned so bad) to speed up the babies lung development should I go back into labor the next week. I stayed on the monitor for about an hour and a half and the contractions started not being as frequent but intense when they were around. We all figured it was doing it's job until about 30-40 more minutes later my contractions were practically starting to be back to back and pretty knarly. Mind you, I haven't had any pain meeds from the whole time it initially started till about 9pm at this time. here's a picture of my contractions...the bottom green mountains are them and you can see exactly how intense they were:

   The nurse looked a bit concerned and said she was going to call the doctor again to see where it was going to go from there. He came in, did a mini ultrasound to see where the boys were so I could choose what labor I wanted to go with if that were the case. My baby A, typically the lowest one,was and had been head down for 2-3 weeks; decided he was going to not engage in my pelvis anymore but let his breech brother instead. SO, after thinking for weeks I had a choice in either a vaginal delivery or a csection...it came down to one thing only. Baby B was the lowest one and he was feet first so a csection it was. I was a bit scared since that's the one thing i was trying NOT to get...The plan? hold out on my contractions until I absolutely needed any meds. That was the sign that i was having those babies after all and that they would hook me up and wheel me in. 
   Sure enough 930 rolled around and it was completely unbearable. 5 1/2 hours of contractions and NO medications takes its toll on people. Especially nerves. I felt like screaming at the nurses to give me some "fucking drugs" I was going nuts. Which was amusing to my husband because I've NEVER been like that during any labor. He doesn't realize at that moment that I couldve easily strangled every nurse and given myself a shot of morphine...anything to stop it lol. They told the doctor I demanded drugs and couldn't tolerate contractions any longer without (which were about 1-3minutes apart by then and never died down, just went into the next contraction) The brought in my lovely stylish cap, had me take out all my facial/body jewelry and told jared it was time for a csection and to change. He did just that super quick. within 10 minutes I was wheeled into the O.R. and jared had to wait outside till I was given a spinal tap. Man that stuff is amazing by the way. Instantly i was numb from the chest down and felt like heaven. They strapped my arms out and hooked me up to monitors and made me a nice little "tent" to cover me and hubby from seeing anything. Then it all started.The only thing that will never go away in my head is the smell of my own cooking flesh. Not pleasant. It only lasted a second until they made an incision then all i could feel was light tugging. Then I heard Max (mr.feet first) Max decided to mark his territory and pee all over the doctor as he came out apparently. That's my boy. haha. They dried him off and started performing an apgar etc on him like normal. Then came Micah who was also pissed and didn't want to come out yet. 
    Out of all things I felt i couldn't handle in life, the worst feeling is hearing your babies cry and not being able to hold them,see them or touch them. Jared got to participate while i laid there like chopped liver. It was hell. Ive waiting months to see them and dreamt endlessly of holding them and here I was...strapped down and not able to do either. It was hell. I was a wreck at that point and couldn't stop crying. They let jared carry Max to the NICU and they wheeled Micah back as well as I was left in the room being fixed up. I didn't see anyone for about an hour and a half, then jared came back. I had to spend about an hour and a half in this enclosed room while the nurses filled out paperwork and checked on my numbness. Finally on the way out i begged to get them to push me by the NICU so i could see my boys. I saw them but couldn't touch them since they were hooked to breathing monitors called CPAP. which is forceful oxygen to get them to breathe better. Max, who weighed the smallest at 5 pounds 3 ounces was having trouble breathing on his own while his brother was doing better but still needed it. Micah was 5 pounds 13 ounces and a bit healthier. Both were ok though. I lost it on the otherhand. They pushed me back into my room where I still was crying because I wanted to fix them and make them all better. I felt guilty for not holding them in longer...
   I wasn't able to see them again until 10 am the next day. I got to hold them and man I was instantly in love all over again. They are both so precious and doing much better with the oxygen. It doesn't need to be forced into their lungs anymore they are working on doing the breathing themselves. The nurses said they are pleased but that it can always change so I should expect them to be in NICU for at least a few weeks. Such a hard thing to grasp knowing that you can go home in 3 days and you cant bring your babies. So I'm bummed about that. I know they are getting the best care though and as selfish as I am for wanting them home to myself-i have plenty of time to do that after they get healthy themselves. That's most important. 
   So that's my long birth story and where I am standing at as of right now. I will be leaving by monday and my boys cant come with. Now, I have to schedule me coming down and snuggling them a well as bringing them breastmilk for them to get them started on feeding. This will be a bit tough but in the end i am so thankful that they came out safely. I already love them more than the world and am ready to start this new chapter and including these little sweet peas in our everyday family life. 
I'll keep you updated if that's what you'd like. If not, i'll still keep myself updated so I can always look back at their progress. Now, I should probably sleep. It's almost 130 am and I have not been so good at that part. 

Lia, Jared,Kayleigh,Abigail 
 Max and MIcah!


Thursday, October 7, 2010

My boys

Update on their weight after todays appointment!!!

Baby A: 5 lbs. 11 oz! flipped, head down and low into the pelvis

   Baby B: 5 Lbs. 5 oz! breech, and will stay that way most likely

Non Stress test was great. had a few strong contractions so I might not be pregnant for long!!!


Ready to meet my boys.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Showing signs at 34 weeks!

It's a bit funny seeing myself go from this (24 weeks)


Voila! This...34 weeks. 

Wow, look at that expansion.Such a huge difference. I still find myself wondering everyday how the HELL they even fit two in there? They must be super uncomfortable and contorted...poor lil guys. It's fascinating that the human body can make more human bodies...and they are grown in a belly...Is it weird that that stuff amuses me? Meh....It's the miracle of life.

If you haven't noticed in the last pic...I have dropped.Here are some more from earlier last week to see if there is a visual difference...

Above was only 33 weeks. I grew out a ton in one week!

and this...was 32 weeks. *sigh*

I'm really not too sure at this point how much further my stomach can go/stretch. I however have a feeling, I am about to find out. With the dropping of my boys, I have only felt one thing darn close to this feeling...when Abigail dropped. Seeing as i am carrying roughly around 9-9 1/2 lbs OF baby not including the placenta(s) and the liter EACH of amniotic fluids i can uncomfortably say This is extremely painful. The dropping happened about 11 a.m. on saturday...out of no where. One minute i was standing/walking/sitting just fine, the next minute I couldn't do any of those things without wanting to scream. It felt like they were going to fall out. It's what a lot of people describe as carrying a huge watermelon between their legs...that's how you end up walking.Nothing I have read had explained the pain of carrying multiples when they drop though. I have a small build, and my frame does not feel like it can hold this for very much longer. 

              With the dropping also came some mild cramping etc. I've not been able to sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time at night and have trouble/pains rotating from one side to the other at night. I haven't really been too hungry because it just seems like my appetite has ceased minus a few snacks and small meals throughout the day. I experience more frequent braxton hicks contractions that last longer than i have been having but nothing too close to consider real labor yet. I have also been frequently urinating, which is more proof they dropped. I haven't had to get up during the night to pee during the whole pregnancy...until two nights ago. After googling, since googling is like my besets friend, I read that most of those symptoms are indeed symptoms that are getting my body ready for the big day. It can happen at any time and as excited as I thought i would be to get them out, I am scared shitless for the labor and now kind of want them to stay in. 

 Baby A is finally head down (thank god) since he likes to squirm and sit in various positions. Baby B however, is breach. Which sucks because he hasn't changed and to be honest, with multiples there really isn't time to change so he will probably (unless a miracle happens) will stay that way.Bummer. This gave me the most difficult thing to decide on:
 1. Opt for a csection 
2. Try vaginally but deliver baby B feet first
now, the csection isn't bad, so I've heard. However, resting and healing from that would be VIRTUALLY impossible with 2 kids under the age of 6 and twin boys added to the mix. the delivering of the baby feet first scares me. It's a risky procedure and if done wrong or if baby shift, they could possibly damage my boys spinal cord. 
so...What would you choose? Opt for a csection with baby B or try both vaginally? Personally I'm stuck on this decision because I DONT want my boys hurt. Period. I also don't like the thought of my stomach muscles never being the same again and being sliced and diced open THEN trying to recover whilst taking care of 4 kiddos...but when it comes down to it, It's not time for me to be selfish. As long as they are ok, that's all that matters. I'm guessing this is my mind telling me I am to opt for a csection. 

With all that said, I mentioned earlier I haven't had a huge appetite. My cravings are really minimal and really only one thing comes to my mind all day, every damn day. Rootbeer. I have to have it. No idea why. I drink my tons of water still but when it comes down to it, mama needs her rootbeer too. Not much else has me drooling. I'm pretty much over the food thing right now. Although, i do make sure I eat. :D

did I mention I gained 2 lbs. in a week. 2! From what??? I have no idea...hopefully the 2 lbs were divided and went to each boy equally lol.

So that's my update. I have no idea when I'll be able to update again. If i will be pregnant for my 36-37 weeks update...no one knows. I'm going day by day. Heavy nesting and packing the bags for the hospital. They really can come any time. Either way, I'm excited to write my next update a few weeks from now regardless. I might even be able to redesign it with my new boys. We will just have to wait and see. 3 cheers for the waiting game!!!!