In case you find yourself wondering what the title means, it's the arrival story of my beautiful boys. I wanted to jot down everything I can remember for something not only to share but something I can look back on a remember as vividly as I can.
My last doctors appointment was thursday, October 7th. I didn't talk to my doctor directly, I was scheduled for a full ultrasound scan to evaluate the weight/anatomy & positioning of the boys. This was followed by my weekly non stress test. Now, for a non stress test, this is just them finding the heartbeats of the little ones and placing a heart rate monitor as well as a contraction monitor over my stomach. It measures and counts the movements of them in the womb as well as measures how well they react to my contractions. Fairly simple. It usually last about an hour. This week I noticed it was a bit longer because I had a few big contractions. The boys reacted fine however. The nurse said i was ok to go and also said she would see me next week...if those big contractions didn't take over first :D This gave me the indication that the boys were probably coming soon. How soon, I was NOT expecting...
Friday was a typical day with a few exceptions. A few days before I was nauseas and feeling not myself. I felt normal thursday but woke up friday in the same kind of funk. No nausea however, but I did feel yucky. Food didn't sound good to me but I made it a point to eat anyways. I found myself wanting to nest and clean the floors but I was also extremely tired. More than usual. Every so often I noticed myself getting an occasional side cramp kind of feeling on my left side that would hang there for a few minutes then disappear. Not the typical contraction I was ever used to so I ignored it. It only happened 3 times if that all day and not really close together. No biggie. I had a hard time remembering a true sign of labor anyways since my water never broke by itself and I haven't gone into labor since...well kayleigh back in 2005. Abigail was different since I was induced so it was hard knowing signs of what to look out for besides the obvious.
My husband has a job that has a lunch break everyday from 230-4:30pm then he heads back to work until about 930-945. Unpleasant shifts but someone has to work. He was heading out to work about 4:10 and I was planning on taking the girls to blockbuster to grab a few rentals to enjoy on a friday night. Especially since on fridays, he works until 1030 so we needed something fun to make time pass. He left, I got everything ready to go, we headed out the door when suddenly i was hit with the worst strong,sharp pain in my left side next to my belly. It scared me because I couldn't walk, breathe,talk,lay down without it going away. I thought it felt like an intense version of a walking cramp + sciatica mixed in one. I also thought it would go away so, I ran by the bank drive through before it closed thinking it would be gone in a sec and the boys just shifted wrong. I got to the drive through and the pain intensified. Something wasn't right. You can automatically tell when something isn't right either when it's your own body...the thing that sucked the most is by the time I received that feeling, I was stuck in the line with someone behind me and someone in front of me. I had to wait 15 minutes to get out of there and head home. Driving was intense so I brought myself right home and kept telling my husband to come get us.
He had a hell of a time trying to get off work so I called family and tried to see what the possibilities were of someone grabbing the girls and i and dropping us off at the hospital. Meanwhile doing this I was lying down on my couch HOPING the pain would go away if i swifter weight. I had to be brave in front of kayleigh because she was worried about me and any sign of me in any pain, she would flip. I couldn't have that because then it's just 3 females freaking out. I couldn't do that to them. I managed to get jared to get his butt home and come get us. About halfway to the hospital my pain shifted and radiated from my side to my uterus...shit, I was having contractions and they were about 6-8 minutes apart. Well, this just might be it.
We go in, they monitor me like a non stress test for about an hour and see that they were indeed contractions. My parents came and got the girls,took them home with them overnight and the nurse was off calling my doctor. He wasn't a fan of me delivering just yet since I was only 34 weeks and 3 days. He wanted me to hold off for two weeks at most so they gave me a muscle relaxer called pericardia (spelling?) so relax my uterus and stop contractions. They also decided to give me a steroid shot in my thigh (worst shot ever, it burned so bad) to speed up the babies lung development should I go back into labor the next week. I stayed on the monitor for about an hour and a half and the contractions started not being as frequent but intense when they were around. We all figured it was doing it's job until about 30-40 more minutes later my contractions were practically starting to be back to back and pretty knarly. Mind you, I haven't had any pain meeds from the whole time it initially started till about 9pm at this time. here's a picture of my contractions...the bottom green mountains are them and you can see exactly how intense they were:
The nurse looked a bit concerned and said she was going to call the doctor again to see where it was going to go from there. He came in, did a mini ultrasound to see where the boys were so I could choose what labor I wanted to go with if that were the case. My baby A, typically the lowest one,was and had been head down for 2-3 weeks; decided he was going to not engage in my pelvis anymore but let his breech brother instead. SO, after thinking for weeks I had a choice in either a vaginal delivery or a csection...it came down to one thing only. Baby B was the lowest one and he was feet first so a csection it was. I was a bit scared since that's the one thing i was trying NOT to get...The plan? hold out on my contractions until I absolutely needed any meds. That was the sign that i was having those babies after all and that they would hook me up and wheel me in.
Sure enough 930 rolled around and it was completely unbearable. 5 1/2 hours of contractions and NO medications takes its toll on people. Especially nerves. I felt like screaming at the nurses to give me some "fucking drugs" I was going nuts. Which was amusing to my husband because I've NEVER been like that during any labor. He doesn't realize at that moment that I couldve easily strangled every nurse and given myself a shot of morphine...anything to stop it lol. They told the doctor I demanded drugs and couldn't tolerate contractions any longer without (which were about 1-3minutes apart by then and never died down, just went into the next contraction) The brought in my lovely stylish cap, had me take out all my facial/body jewelry and told jared it was time for a csection and to change. He did just that super quick. within 10 minutes I was wheeled into the O.R. and jared had to wait outside till I was given a spinal tap. Man that stuff is amazing by the way. Instantly i was numb from the chest down and felt like heaven. They strapped my arms out and hooked me up to monitors and made me a nice little "tent" to cover me and hubby from seeing anything. Then it all started.The only thing that will never go away in my head is the smell of my own cooking flesh. Not pleasant. It only lasted a second until they made an incision then all i could feel was light tugging. Then I heard Max (mr.feet first) Max decided to mark his territory and pee all over the doctor as he came out apparently. That's my boy. haha. They dried him off and started performing an apgar etc on him like normal. Then came Micah who was also pissed and didn't want to come out yet.
Out of all things I felt i couldn't handle in life, the worst feeling is hearing your babies cry and not being able to hold them,see them or touch them. Jared got to participate while i laid there like chopped liver. It was hell. Ive waiting months to see them and dreamt endlessly of holding them and here I was...strapped down and not able to do either. It was hell. I was a wreck at that point and couldn't stop crying. They let jared carry Max to the NICU and they wheeled Micah back as well as I was left in the room being fixed up. I didn't see anyone for about an hour and a half, then jared came back. I had to spend about an hour and a half in this enclosed room while the nurses filled out paperwork and checked on my numbness. Finally on the way out i begged to get them to push me by the NICU so i could see my boys. I saw them but couldn't touch them since they were hooked to breathing monitors called CPAP. which is forceful oxygen to get them to breathe better. Max, who weighed the smallest at 5 pounds 3 ounces was having trouble breathing on his own while his brother was doing better but still needed it. Micah was 5 pounds 13 ounces and a bit healthier. Both were ok though. I lost it on the otherhand. They pushed me back into my room where I still was crying because I wanted to fix them and make them all better. I felt guilty for not holding them in longer...
I wasn't able to see them again until 10 am the next day. I got to hold them and man I was instantly in love all over again. They are both so precious and doing much better with the oxygen. It doesn't need to be forced into their lungs anymore they are working on doing the breathing themselves. The nurses said they are pleased but that it can always change so I should expect them to be in NICU for at least a few weeks. Such a hard thing to grasp knowing that you can go home in 3 days and you cant bring your babies. So I'm bummed about that. I know they are getting the best care though and as selfish as I am for wanting them home to myself-i have plenty of time to do that after they get healthy themselves. That's most important.
So that's my long birth story and where I am standing at as of right now. I will be leaving by monday and my boys cant come with. Now, I have to schedule me coming down and snuggling them a well as bringing them breastmilk for them to get them started on feeding. This will be a bit tough but in the end i am so thankful that they came out safely. I already love them more than the world and am ready to start this new chapter and including these little sweet peas in our everyday family life.
I'll keep you updated if that's what you'd like. If not, i'll still keep myself updated so I can always look back at their progress. Now, I should probably sleep. It's almost 130 am and I have not been so good at that part.
Max and MIcah!